Today was a struggle. I woke up late--(alarm, although I DID set it last night didn't go off...) GRR
Then I couldn't find my cell phone...and that turned into a "tear everything apart frantically" 20-minute period.
After that mess, I realized that I only had a three-four minute period to run to the bus--still hadn't found my phone. Grabbed my shoes and did a quick search again...
Left the house and got to the crosswalk--see the bus at the light and it's too late to make it. Another major GRR....turned into panic.
I had an appointment at 1. It was 11:16. My appointment was in another town...and worst of all, there was no way to make it in time now.
PANIC! I missed the last appointment for the same kind of reason--unexpected things that popped up, clouding my mind so I couldn't see things clearly. Time is harder to gauge, and, therefore, even more of a precious commodity to me.
I walk home, soooo angry. I am in a tizzy because I'm mad at the bus driver for being on time. I'm mad at the cat for distracting me this morning. I'm mad at Samsung for their phone not working as an alarm to wake me up. I'm angry with everything....
I figure it's ok to be angry sometimes.
But only if you know how to use it correctly. But this was utterly ridiculous. I shouldn't be angry with anyone else. I was angry at myself, for sure, but I didn't know how to let go of that anger--I didn't want to channel it in the wrong way, but I also didn't want to hold it in...
Your heart is the emotion box of your body. You can blindly grab an emotion out of the box and suddenly you're left feeling it...it's more of a volcano that erupts, and for me, it can be like Mount Vesuvius. Okay, well maybe that analogy is very exaggerated, but the point is, I am a very emotion-driven person. I have blogged about letting your spirit be in control of your stagecoach, not your heart, as the heart is too frivolous to be a leader. The spirit is more steady and calm, not easily changing and it's more logical.
I am guilty of getting off-course and allowing my heart to have the control. It's not supposed to be that way and when I sat down by the window, crying since I knew that this wasn't God's purpose for me--to be frantic, aloof, and exhausted all the time, I knew what I needed to do.
I cried out. I told Him my problems. I asked for His guidance... He listened and moments later the answer came to me:
I gave it back to Him.
My life is chaotic because I invite it in. I don't know what I'm doing half the time because I don't write about it or think about it in a non-emotional way. When I write, I write with the spirit and heart, who at that point are calm and collected. They speak to each other and the words come easily from my heart AND my spirit. They are co-authors. But in day-to-day life, without writing these things down or in other words, inviting my spirit into the picture, the heart is more obnoxious and easier to listen to...whereas the spirit is very quiet. I think of them as babies...you want the loud, screaming one to be quiet, so you cater to that one first, even though both of them have a need.
God told me that I need to prioritize my life...to take back control. It was slowly slipping away as I got engulfed in my projects, not planning out how I should spend my time. If I am to work in my business, I need to treat myself like an employee with a set schedule, not a superwoman who works all hours of the night, etc. My business is an entity of itself...My company is me, but I am not my company.
By purely His inspiration, I have re-prioritized my life so that I have a clear and concise separation between myself and my company, as well as my other duties in life. Graciously, I accept the challenges of executing it all in my life, as well as the ability to personally grow.
So why am I blogging about this to the whole world to read? I simply want you all, especially those of you who feel stressed out and exhausted from life, barely finding moments of peace, to find a true moment of peace. I found mine today in God. In the blood of Jesus.
What about you? Where do you find your peace?
I hope that you find it by giving all that harms you back to God, filled with the Holy Spirit, and in love with the newly cleared moment. Now, DON'T INVITE CHAOS BACK!
Trying to baby my scalp from pulling my hair, (haha)