Monday, February 27, 2012

The Big, Bad "C" Word

What is this scary "C" word I refer to? 

It isn't the word you're thinking. (Shame on you for that!

CHANGE your thoughts right now!
CHANGE is not so scary.
Cyclic is a far worse word in my book...

I have always heard the phrase, "If you don't like something, do something about it," which is such a great motivational kick in the pants, making one realize that complaining isn't the best solution to a problem, instead, doing something is. While I take complaining with a grain of salt--as in, most people need to rant in some way or another--if these complaints take habit and are habitually about the same issues, then obviously these actions are not working.

Looking into the mirror, we see the things we want to see. We have already trained ourselves to notice first our qualities--or at least, that's what your average esteemed person will do. Sometimes we have character flaws that we don't notice, or we do notice, but ignore because we don't know what to do about it.

Some character flaws, such as being emotionally insecure, can be easy to ignore in oneself with precepts and by ignoring ones own conscious behaviors, but other people may notice them or may even suffer because of the ignorance. But what kind of person would intentionally inhibit personal growth? Yes, I said is intentional. A person who is not willing to look at him or herself honestly, realizing character flaws, and realizing the impact he or she has on other people, is not only hurting him or herself, but also the people around him or her. "Hurting people, hurt people," is another common phrase I hear, and often even say!

To err is human, which is an amazing thing. We are allowed to make mistakes and grow from them, but if we intentionally shut out the opportunities to grow, then we are only smothering the potential to become better people. To change.

To use myself as an example, I will admit that I am so far from's shocking, right? (insert sarcastic humor). Not really. I used to be a person who complained and complained, never changing my circumstances. As much as I ranted and raved, I was really hurting people around me without realizing it. My unwillingness to look at the mistakes I had made, and continually to made, put other people in compromising positions as my friends and family. Someone told me once that I needed to stop what I was doing and look at my recent past. The things I had complained about were a direct result of what I was doing in the present. If I could change my present and the things I was doing now, then it would have an immediate result.

This was eye-opening for me. I decided to change my attitude, first and foremost, and then identify all the other little things I needed to mold differently. One of the things I had always wanted to change was my ability to accept criticism without feeling put-down, angry, resentful, or even humiliated, I had to look at the underlying issue. Why did I react the way I did when people around me didn't have the same reactions when they too, received criticism? It has to do with what is in our hearts.

Yes, I am back to speaking on the matters of the heart.

The heart is our mainframe component of emotions, literally speaking, of course. We feel with and react from our hearts. It's completely human. However, as we are human, we also have minds to control how we react. Logically speaking, we are able to process what is being spoken to us, and our mind reacts with our heart for emotional response, and computes it with a logical response. In other words, our mind tells our body how to interpret the data and how to physically respond. If we hear criticism, our hearts can put up a defense, put out an offense, or even turn away in resentment.

This is how we know if our hearts are healthy. While I cannot simply describe how to change the computation reaction between your heart and mind, I can say that the first place to begin in changing your heart, is to always think with your mind first. Be logical in how you hear things, realizing that if you change your thoughts, your reactions will soon follow, and therefore, you'll be more able to understand the true intentions behind someone's criticism. This is what worked well and still works for me. I now accept criticism openly, always looking to find ways to improve myself.

This can also apply to your life in various ways. If you want to change a character flaw, you need to retrain your mind to accept, first and foremost, that you have to change. Change your attitude and change your thoughts. Everything else will soon follow. You must remain diligent...if you are able to keep your mind focused on new pathways, then you'll develop the new pathways into habits for good! It takes 21 days to develop a new habit, so stick with it. If you don't know how to change your thoughts, I have another post that will help you! Read it here!

I hope this helps you get through the day and that if you have any questions, do not hesitate to comment below. I hope you all have blessed days and that where ever you are, you have a smile upon your faces. Don't fear this big, bad, "C" word any longer! Change is a good thing!

Much love and CHANGE,

Your Emmy.
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